What am I doing here?

Navigating the all-important intro!

Yuck! Introductions. Don’t you just hate them? I mean, put me in a bar with a few drinks down my neck and I’m great. Put me in front of a blank screen on a new platform and ask me to hail and entice new readers… yeah, this is about as far as I get. What to say? *Taps desk… types a sentence. Deletes it.

The devil save me from the perils of navigating yet another bloomin’ social media platform! At least there’s no daft dancing involved. Small mercies and all that.

Look, I’m just going to give it to you straight- there I was fumbling my merry way through life, aged forty-seven, we (me, hubby and two kids) had just upped sticks and moved from a large industrial Lincolnshire town, to bonny Fife in Scotland and all of the pleasures that awaited us north of the border when it all went ‘tits-up’. Quite literally. Eight short months after moving our entire lives to a different country, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my world crumbled. I won’t bore you with the inmate details of that right now (save that for another post) so here’s the short version of events just to get you caught up;

I found out I had the mutated BRCA2 gene and breast cancer in the same week. A month later I had a double mastectomy (no reconstruction) and sixteen lymph nodes removed. Four weeks after surgery I began an eight-month-long stint of intensive chemotherapy followed by fifteen sessions of radiotherapy. I had Christmas off to recover before having more surgery to remove my ovaries and tubes (instant menopause oh joy!) and all of this during the height of the Covid pandemic. I am now two years in remission and only just beginning to rebuild a life for myself, hence the newsletter name. So, that’s the rubbish bit out of the way (I’ll talk more about the big C and how it’s changed me another time) let me tell you about why I am here;

I’m a writer (surprise!) like most of the good people using Substack. I’m happy to say that I’m lucky enough to make a living from writing, and even if I didn’t I’d still do it. Writing is as much a part of who I am as the heart that beats (somewhat erratically) inside of me. There’s something about reading/creating a story that is an intrinsic part of being human. The need to connect to our ancestral roots, our fellow man, and the world of imagination and possibility is unique to mankind. Stories give us so much- histories, culture, ambitions, emotions, reconciliations, catharsis, and wonderment to name a few. It’s a true privilege to wear that storyteller badge.

Part of being a writer of historical fiction (as I am) is research. I’m an English and History graduate so research plays a huge part in my writing process and I LOVE it. I once said that I’d be happy spending my days as a perpetual student because I can get lost in research History fascinates me to the point of obsession but it’s not the dates and battles that do it for me, it’s the stories. The folk tales, the fables, and the lives of ordinary people intertwined with legends of magic and witchcraft that get my little historian heart a-pumping. And coupled with those legends are great locations, ruined castles, eerie woods, haunted houses, and grisly fields of battle. History is full to brimming with stories just waiting to be retold and that is where I find my soul belongs.

It’s strange to think that my passion has now become a very large part of putting myself back together. Writing and research gives me something to focus on after the devastation that cancer rained upon me both physically and mentally. Not only that, but the type of writing I do sees me exploring all of the sublimeness of the Scottish landscapes that I utterly adore. You have not lived until you have stood upon the ruined remains of the clan chief McDonald’s long house in Glencoe, listening to the bagpipes play a lament while eagles soar above and great stags bellow from the mountain tops! That moment will live in my memory for eternity.

I feel a strange affinity with the past, even more so since I had my DNA tested and have discovered my true ancestral beginnings. It’s fascinating stuff. Part of rebuilding who I am is finding out where I came from, how my genetic makeup determines my personality traits, and medical predispositions (re- BRCA2). When suddenly faced with your own mortality and your possible early demise, seeing your DNA linked to a two-thousand-year-old skeleton in Somerset, and a line of ancient Pictish kings somehow highlights that we go on. A part of me exists in the ancient past, and a part of me will go on existing long into the future through my own children. The part of me that exists in the present is the one I am focusing on now. I am learning to craft a life after cancer. One that involves mourning the loss of the woman I was and the things she could do, to getting to know and understand the woman I am now and her limitations, and finally striving to be the woman I know I can be- the one who makes every day count, the one who looks for rainbows in the rain, light in the dark, and the flower amongst the thorns.

Part of this journey of self-discovery I find myself on is being disciplined in working on my physical self, as well as my mental self. Food and exercise are a big problem for me in that as much as I’d love to eat anything, I have an annoying intolerance to gluten (and too much dairy sometimes). I used to be quite athletic- school sports champion, regular long-distance runner, mountain-biker etc. Post-cancer scarred and oddly-shaped as I am now, I find exercise very difficult. Combine this with ongoing medications and their extensive side-effects and I find it tough walking a mile these days. One of Scotland’s many virtues is the sheer number of eateries that offer gluten and dairy free food and so I have decided to add this wee aspect to my newsletters too. I’ll shortly be writing another piece with recommendations and reviews of the places I visit on my travels who offer a free-from option for anyone else who struggles like me.

That’s basically it. I’m here and using this platform as my own method of catharsis and it might hopefully help a few people with their own struggles along the way. It may just end up being a random rambling stream of consciousness, who knows, but I’ll aim to make it as entertaining as I can. If you like reading books, history with a twist, weird and wonderful happenings, Scotland, tips and thoughts on post-cancer life, and food (who doesn’t like food!) then you might find my newsletters are for you.

Hey, it’s been really nice chatting with you. Let’s do it again?

If you want to check out my published books then click the link in the header for more info or follow me on social media. Subscribe and share on Substack and I’ll see you next time!

Claire